


Lost

by hithelleth



Category: Yellowstone (TV 2018)
Genre: Gen, Introspection, Post 2x03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 01:40:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19780612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hithelleth/pseuds/hithelleth
Summary: He doesn’t know who he is. He doesn’t know what to do.





	Lost

The plaque on the wall is like a signpost. So, of course he goes to Beth. Because he doesn’t know what to do, whether to accept Rainwater’s – a good man, Perry said, and Jamie might be naïve, but he is not that naïve to think that if everyone plays dirty Rainwater is an exception – patronage or not.

No, that’s not true, everything inside him resists the idea from the first moment, but there are also other people’s expectations and advantages and… He doesn’t know what to do.

Beth gives it to him without sugar-coating, no holds barred.

“You think about everyone else in your life, but you. And you do what's best for them.”

She is right.

He doesn’t know who he is. Not without being John Dutton’s son. Not without his family. His fucked-up, terrible, the-definition-of-dysfunctional family.

Everything he has ever done was in service of said family, of the infamous Yellowstone legacy. Except this one time he wanted something for himself and it has turned out awfully.

He has always wanted to be the moral one, the law-abiding one – although he sure as hell knows that things he had to do for Dad have made him neither and will continue to do so. Hence, this little rebellion, this attempt to break out on his own.

But apparently there is no way to spare himself from becoming tainted, to get rid of the dirt he has already acquired doing Dad’s bidding. If the only way to emerge from Dad’s shadow is to attack him, then he can’t do it, he won’t do it.

Because his only saving grace is that however dirty he has played so far, he hasn’t done it for himself.

So, maybe he is a chicken heart. But here is where he draws the line.

After Christine throws him out and he withdraws from the race, he has nowhere else to go, uncertain and guilty, but home.

_“You hungry?”_ from Dad and Beth making him ‘a plate’ – consisting of a sole grilled octopus tentacle – is the most of a welcome he gets.

Oblivious as he is, Kayce smiles into his plate and tries to make normal conversation.

Beth dissolves into a fit of giggles with a mix of mockery, hysteria, and some genuine happiness that annoys and puzzles (and worries) him.

She apologises as Dad leaves the table to no avail.

It pisses him off – both that she drives him away with her antics and that he leaves.

But. (But there was that almost-surprised nod of a proud-big-sister approval.)

But still, he is home.

It is awkward and trying and it is where he – although he has been telling himself he does not want to – belongs. And despite everything, for the moment at least he feels at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Someone had to start this fandom going and if no one else would, I had to do it myself. Come scream with me about this trainwreck family. 
> 
> What did you think? Comments are always welcome.


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